Game Four: BORP (2-1) vs. Hustlers (1-1)
When: Monday, June 18 – 7:30 PM
Where: Some wet and soggy field in Central Texas
Television: Nope, not this week.
Game Preview: Both teams are coming off tough losses to Bush’s last week as BORP stands just percentage points ahead the Hustlers in second place. So, in short, like Ron Burgandy, this game is kind of a big deal.
Team Preview: Whether or not the Hustlers are named for the hustle they show on the field or a bunch of hustlers in the local pool halls after a defeat, one thing is for sure, the BORP is going to jump on them like a vicious, prancing, purple, panther kitty. I have no idea what that means.
Hustler Player to Watch: Emily Gipe. A former Baylor softball player who is actually not playing for BORP, “The Giper” is an extremely competitive person with plenty of speed. A force on the bases, nobody is really sure what “The Giper” can do at the plate; because, well, and I do not know how to put this, she never saw a plate appearance while wearing the Lady Bears uniform. Sad times.
Even sadder times is Emily is leaving the city of Waco for Florida later this month. Super sad times.
Prediction: Hustlers will put forth a good effort; however, there ability to put up crooked digits on the scoreboard out in left will be far surpassed by BORP’s ability to do the same. BORP 17, Hustlers 4 – 5 innings.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Get to Know a Panther: Dan Ingham
Name: Dan Ingham
Position: 1B
Years Pro: 6
What song plays in your head as you walk to the plate?
Anything by Michael Bolton. I celebrate his entire catalog.
What do you each week in order to mentally prepare for the rigors of low-level, rec-league softball?
I adhere to a strict diet and I do yoga daily.
If you were pitching and had to face Barry Bonds, where exactly would you drill him and why?
The Balls .. that's always good for a laugh.
Congratulations, you just bought a round of Bud Lights for everyone! Who are you saluting?
Michael Collins .. because he put this website together.
What’s the over/under on the number of errors you will commit this season?
17
Describe your style of play on defense? On offense?
Defense: I move as little as possible. Offense: I move as little as possible.
Trash talking the opponent is essential. What is your go to line?
I'm on tv .. what do you do for a living?
Favorite line from Anchorman?
"Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee"
When an opposing player reaches second base, what book are you recommending them to read next?
He'll be reading the back of my jersey as a blaze by him with my 5.9 forty time
Who are you dedicating this season to and why?
Zetti .. the man blew out his knew for this team.
What did you do in the off-season to improve your game?
I watched a lot of Lady Bear Softball.
The ump just called you out but you were clearly safe. Where are you going to punch him and why?
The Balls .. that's always good for a laugh.
Any superstitions? What are they?
I always drink on Fridays and Saturdays.
What movie did you see last? Was it better than Anchorman?
Knocked Up. It was good .. not anchorman good though.
Brick killed a guy. What are you going to do to show your dedication to the team?
Kill a guy.
What’s the average margin of victory going to be for Real Bits of Panther this season?
14
True of false. The number of losses for Real Bits of Panther this season will be zero?
True, last week didn’t count because we were playing cheaters. Dirty, rotten, filthy cheaters.
How do you envision the celebration that will ensue after capturing the championship title?
I'll take off my shirt and run around in my sports bra.
You have three words to describe Real Bits of Panther. Get to it…
Greatness, Legacy, Scary
Position: 1B
Years Pro: 6
What song plays in your head as you walk to the plate?
Anything by Michael Bolton. I celebrate his entire catalog.
What do you each week in order to mentally prepare for the rigors of low-level, rec-league softball?
I adhere to a strict diet and I do yoga daily.
If you were pitching and had to face Barry Bonds, where exactly would you drill him and why?
The Balls .. that's always good for a laugh.
Congratulations, you just bought a round of Bud Lights for everyone! Who are you saluting?
Michael Collins .. because he put this website together.
What’s the over/under on the number of errors you will commit this season?
17
Describe your style of play on defense? On offense?
Defense: I move as little as possible. Offense: I move as little as possible.
Trash talking the opponent is essential. What is your go to line?
I'm on tv .. what do you do for a living?
Favorite line from Anchorman?
"Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee"
When an opposing player reaches second base, what book are you recommending them to read next?
He'll be reading the back of my jersey as a blaze by him with my 5.9 forty time
Who are you dedicating this season to and why?
Zetti .. the man blew out his knew for this team.
What did you do in the off-season to improve your game?
I watched a lot of Lady Bear Softball.
The ump just called you out but you were clearly safe. Where are you going to punch him and why?
The Balls .. that's always good for a laugh.
Any superstitions? What are they?
I always drink on Fridays and Saturdays.
What movie did you see last? Was it better than Anchorman?
Knocked Up. It was good .. not anchorman good though.
Brick killed a guy. What are you going to do to show your dedication to the team?
Kill a guy.
What’s the average margin of victory going to be for Real Bits of Panther this season?
14
True of false. The number of losses for Real Bits of Panther this season will be zero?
True, last week didn’t count because we were playing cheaters. Dirty, rotten, filthy cheaters.
How do you envision the celebration that will ensue after capturing the championship title?
I'll take off my shirt and run around in my sports bra.
You have three words to describe Real Bits of Panther. Get to it…
Greatness, Legacy, Scary
Mighty Ingham at the Bat
The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day;
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play,
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.
A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, "If only Ingham could but get a whack at that ?
We'd put up even money now, with Ingham at the bat."
But Flynn preceded Ingham, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a hoodoo, while the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat;
For there seemed but little chance of Ingham getting to the bat.
But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.
Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Ingham, mighty Ingham, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Ingham's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Ingham's bearing and a smile lit Ingham's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Ingham at the bat.
Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt.
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance flashed in Ingham's eye, a sneer curled Ingham's lip.
And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Ingham stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped ?
"That ain't my style," said Ingham. "Strike one!" the umpire said.
From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore;
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted some one on the stand;
And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Ingham raised his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity great Ingham's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun sphere flew;
But Ingham still ignored it, and the umpire said "Strike two!"
"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Ingham and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Ingham wouldn't let that ball go by again.
The sneer has fled from Ingham's lip, the teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Ingham's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville, mighty Ingham has struck out.
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play,
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.
A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, "If only Ingham could but get a whack at that ?
We'd put up even money now, with Ingham at the bat."
But Flynn preceded Ingham, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a hoodoo, while the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat;
For there seemed but little chance of Ingham getting to the bat.
But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.
Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Ingham, mighty Ingham, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Ingham's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Ingham's bearing and a smile lit Ingham's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Ingham at the bat.
Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt.
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance flashed in Ingham's eye, a sneer curled Ingham's lip.
And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Ingham stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped ?
"That ain't my style," said Ingham. "Strike one!" the umpire said.
From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore;
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted some one on the stand;
And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Ingham raised his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity great Ingham's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun sphere flew;
But Ingham still ignored it, and the umpire said "Strike two!"
"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Ingham and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Ingham wouldn't let that ball go by again.
The sneer has fled from Ingham's lip, the teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Ingham's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville, mighty Ingham has struck out.
BUSH WHACKED
Well, folks, it's been a real hard week in Bits of Real Panther nation. No words can describe the astonishing setback BORP had last week. With an undefeated season a mere eight wins away, BORP fell to Bush's Chicken, 18-11. Unfathomable. Unimaginable. Unbelievable.
It was not the best played game by BORP; however, this loss can best be described as how BORP faced a team so afraid of the BORP awesomeness that they won the game by simply going up to the plate and watching pitches go by.
See, due to the absolutely unfair advantage teams have when facing BORP, the rules committee got together in the off-season and ruled if BORP walks a male, the male gets two bases and the girl behind him in the order gets to walk as well.
So, pitch after pitch, the chickens of Bush just watched as the ball would flutter harmlessly through air and eventually plop just wide of the plate. These chickens would load the bases before hitting some bloop base hit to score a couple of runs.
Repeat this scenario a few dozen times and BORP ends up losing, 18-11.
As one can imagine, the Bush league tactic did not go unnoticed. The fine members of BORP taunted the chickens of Bush about their non-co recreational league ways and reminded them July 9, 2007, is circled on the calendar.
See, Bush's may be at the top of the standings now; but, on that date, the title will be plucked away from them by the greatest team to ever to walk the Waco landscape. That's right, I'm talking about the BORP and I'm talking about sweet, sweet victory.
It was not the best played game by BORP; however, this loss can best be described as how BORP faced a team so afraid of the BORP awesomeness that they won the game by simply going up to the plate and watching pitches go by.
See, due to the absolutely unfair advantage teams have when facing BORP, the rules committee got together in the off-season and ruled if BORP walks a male, the male gets two bases and the girl behind him in the order gets to walk as well.
So, pitch after pitch, the chickens of Bush just watched as the ball would flutter harmlessly through air and eventually plop just wide of the plate. These chickens would load the bases before hitting some bloop base hit to score a couple of runs.
Repeat this scenario a few dozen times and BORP ends up losing, 18-11.
As one can imagine, the Bush league tactic did not go unnoticed. The fine members of BORP taunted the chickens of Bush about their non-co recreational league ways and reminded them July 9, 2007, is circled on the calendar.
See, Bush's may be at the top of the standings now; but, on that date, the title will be plucked away from them by the greatest team to ever to walk the Waco landscape. That's right, I'm talking about the BORP and I'm talking about sweet, sweet victory.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Game Three Preview: Bush's
Game Three: Bits of Real Panther (2-0) vs. Bush's (Does it really matter?)
When: Monday, June 11, 9:30 p.m.
Television: None, although there should be.
Game Analysis: Bush's Chicken, Bits of Real Panther has officially put you on notice. Enough said.
Bottom Line: Bush's softball team sucks. The chicken they sell; however, is quite tasty. So, they got that going for them, which is nice.
BORP 2007 official game prediction: Bits of Real Panther 21, Bush's 2 - four innings.
When: Monday, June 11, 9:30 p.m.
Television: None, although there should be.
Game Analysis: Bush's Chicken, Bits of Real Panther has officially put you on notice. Enough said.
Bottom Line: Bush's softball team sucks. The chicken they sell; however, is quite tasty. So, they got that going for them, which is nice.
BORP 2007 official game prediction: Bits of Real Panther 21, Bush's 2 - four innings.
In Dedication of 'The Fallen Soldier'
It is with sad news and much regret that Bits of Real Panther announces outfielder and slugger extraordinaire Matt Iazzetti has been lost for the season due to shredding his knee apart in a freak ball chasing accident while playing outfield for the team in its season opening victory over those who bond charged felons out of the slammer.
The management of BORP has publicly dedicated the season to him. He flew around the outfield with little regard towards life and limb and it is that kind of dedication and passion that has the team steam-rolling towards a league championship.
Once a visionary and leader on the field, his focus now turns to helping the team off the field. If the two innings of leadership in game one was any indication, the Sparky Anderson of low-level, co-ed, recreation league softball is likely in our midst.
Like a true champion, Mr. Iazzetti has taken the injury in stride. Although his playing days are over, he has been seen at and participated in such rebel-rousing team functions like knocking some Dr Peppers back at Cricket's and braving the cold air of local movie theaters.
His example is met by only a few; but, followed by many.
Mr. Iazzetti, this season is for you.
The management of BORP has publicly dedicated the season to him. He flew around the outfield with little regard towards life and limb and it is that kind of dedication and passion that has the team steam-rolling towards a league championship.
Once a visionary and leader on the field, his focus now turns to helping the team off the field. If the two innings of leadership in game one was any indication, the Sparky Anderson of low-level, co-ed, recreation league softball is likely in our midst.
Like a true champion, Mr. Iazzetti has taken the injury in stride. Although his playing days are over, he has been seen at and participated in such rebel-rousing team functions like knocking some Dr Peppers back at Cricket's and braving the cold air of local movie theaters.
His example is met by only a few; but, followed by many.
Mr. Iazzetti, this season is for you.
Get to Know a Panther: Shawn Skillman
Everybody knows what Shawn Skillman is capable of in the field as well as in the dugout; but, does everyone know what exactly is in that head of his. Well, BORP 2007 sat down with the genius mind behind the "Greatest Show on Dirt" to get some of his collective thoughts. Here's what transpired.
Name: SHAWN SKILLMAN
Position: OF, Manager
Years Pro: 7 YEARS
What song plays in your head as you walk to the plate?
A REMIX OF OLD 97'S - "KING OF ALL OF THE WORLD" AND REDMAN'S "TIME FOR SOME ACTION"
What do you each week in order to mentally prepare for the rigors of low-level, rec-league softball?
WATCH "HONG KONG FOOEY"
If you were pitching and had to face Barry Bonds, where exactly would you drill him and why?
HIS HEAD, BUT BY ACCIDENT. IT'S TOO HARD TO MISS
Congratulations, you just bought a round of Bud Lights for everyone! Who are you saluting?
MATT IAZZETTI: TWO BAD KNEES, ONE GREAT SOUL
What's the over/under on the number of errors you will commit this season?
0 OR 1, 2 AT THE MOST.
Describe your style of play on defense? On offense?
DEFENSE-CASUAL WITH A CUFF IN THE CREASE
OFFENSE-DRESSED UP WITH A POCKET SQUARE
Trash talking the opponent is essential. What is your go to line?
SLIDER....YOU STINK
Favorite line from Anchorman?
DOROTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT!!! OR, WHAT IS DIVERSITY? I BELIEVE IT'S AN OLD WOODEN SHIP.
When an opposing player reaches second base, what book are you recommending them to read next?
SWEET VALLEY HIGH: THE POM POM WARS
Who are you dedicating this season to and why?
Charles Nelson Reilly (January 13, 1931 – May 25, 2007) The reason there should have been The Cannonball Run III
What did you do in the off-season to improve your game?
Tore my rotator cuff carrying a video camera
The ump just called you out but you were clearly safe. Where are you going to punch him and why?
The knee cap, apparently those tendons rupture easily.
Any superstitions? What are they?
Never have sex before a game. That's not a superstition, it just never seems to happen. So it is something that I do before every game, I don't have sex.
What movie did you see last? Was it better than Anchorman?
"Knocked Up." No.
Brick killed a guy. What are you going to do to show your dedication to the team?
Kill if needed
What's the average margin of victory going to be for Real Bits of Panther this season?
14.5
True of false. The number of losses for Real Bits of Panther this eason will be zero?
True
How do you envision the celebration that will ensue after capturing the championship title?
Streaking
You have three words to describe Real Bits of Panther. Get to it...
PUNGENT, STINGS NOSTRILS
Name: SHAWN SKILLMAN
Position: OF, Manager
Years Pro: 7 YEARS
What song plays in your head as you walk to the plate?
A REMIX OF OLD 97'S - "KING OF ALL OF THE WORLD" AND REDMAN'S "TIME FOR SOME ACTION"
What do you each week in order to mentally prepare for the rigors of low-level, rec-league softball?
WATCH "HONG KONG FOOEY"
If you were pitching and had to face Barry Bonds, where exactly would you drill him and why?
HIS HEAD, BUT BY ACCIDENT. IT'S TOO HARD TO MISS
Congratulations, you just bought a round of Bud Lights for everyone! Who are you saluting?
MATT IAZZETTI: TWO BAD KNEES, ONE GREAT SOUL
What's the over/under on the number of errors you will commit this season?
0 OR 1, 2 AT THE MOST.
Describe your style of play on defense? On offense?
DEFENSE-CASUAL WITH A CUFF IN THE CREASE
OFFENSE-DRESSED UP WITH A POCKET SQUARE
Trash talking the opponent is essential. What is your go to line?
SLIDER....YOU STINK
Favorite line from Anchorman?
DOROTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT!!! OR, WHAT IS DIVERSITY? I BELIEVE IT'S AN OLD WOODEN SHIP.
When an opposing player reaches second base, what book are you recommending them to read next?
SWEET VALLEY HIGH: THE POM POM WARS
Who are you dedicating this season to and why?
Charles Nelson Reilly (January 13, 1931 – May 25, 2007) The reason there should have been The Cannonball Run III
What did you do in the off-season to improve your game?
Tore my rotator cuff carrying a video camera
The ump just called you out but you were clearly safe. Where are you going to punch him and why?
The knee cap, apparently those tendons rupture easily.
Any superstitions? What are they?
Never have sex before a game. That's not a superstition, it just never seems to happen. So it is something that I do before every game, I don't have sex.
What movie did you see last? Was it better than Anchorman?
"Knocked Up." No.
Brick killed a guy. What are you going to do to show your dedication to the team?
Kill if needed
What's the average margin of victory going to be for Real Bits of Panther this season?
14.5
True of false. The number of losses for Real Bits of Panther this eason will be zero?
True
How do you envision the celebration that will ensue after capturing the championship title?
Streaking
You have three words to describe Real Bits of Panther. Get to it...
PUNGENT, STINGS NOSTRILS
Welcome to the Greatest Show on Dirt
Sometimes in life, one comes across something so powerful, so spell-binding, so magnificent and so outstanding that it must be officially documented in order to have a historical record preserved for others to see throughout the eternity of time.
Well, the Bits of Real Panther are that something. A co-ed, rec league softball team so powerful, it needs its own website for its legions of fans to track its other-worldly, vice-like grip on the Waco, Texas, low-level recreation league field.
To put it blutly, Bits of Real Panther is a combination of poise, speed, strength, power and determination that has never been seen before in the Central Texas region.
With a power so awesome in our midst, it's only appropriate that the team's conquests be documented on an equally awesome website.
Well, this is that website. Have no fear, BORP fans world wide. Turn here for all the latest news, including features, analysis, game recaps and general information about a team so powerful, the league may just present them the trophy and cancel the rest of the season in order to allow the rest of the league to avoid the humiliation that will sureley be placed upon them.
So, check back often for updates, because 60 percent of the time, it's updated all the time.
Well, the Bits of Real Panther are that something. A co-ed, rec league softball team so powerful, it needs its own website for its legions of fans to track its other-worldly, vice-like grip on the Waco, Texas, low-level recreation league field.
To put it blutly, Bits of Real Panther is a combination of poise, speed, strength, power and determination that has never been seen before in the Central Texas region.
With a power so awesome in our midst, it's only appropriate that the team's conquests be documented on an equally awesome website.
Well, this is that website. Have no fear, BORP fans world wide. Turn here for all the latest news, including features, analysis, game recaps and general information about a team so powerful, the league may just present them the trophy and cancel the rest of the season in order to allow the rest of the league to avoid the humiliation that will sureley be placed upon them.
So, check back often for updates, because 60 percent of the time, it's updated all the time.
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